"Plastic blue
Conversations in my room
Saving every tear for you
Trusting every word untrue
Twilight fading

Fate changes faster than the death of light
You supply the envy
And I'll provide the spite
Reflections cutting every face in two
Casting shadows in the pale shade of blue"


Can't seem to have enough of that song!
And I can't seem to let go of this feeling I have inside.
Specially when you start remembering old memories, or they ask you about it.
Ugh, how I wish it could stop. I write in here cuz I know one will know, no one has a LJ so it's safe for me
to express my thoughts.
I hate myself for bringing up the subject since I feel like I talk about it too much, or think about it, ugh, I'm so annoying!
Well, here it goes, EDWERD.
Was all true? Did he ever existed? Was I victim of a game? Why? This and that ... drives me crazy!
I know I should listen to Diego, right now he's bbeing so nice and so kind to me, he's actually earning a place in my heart.
Anyway, I know I let things unclear, and I didn't even want to keep questioning or fighting, because this huge deal involves one
of my best friends, Yes, best friends. Even tho I don't really know her, I really liked her, and I still do, but it hurts to know she could be part of something so evil, I swear.
At first we got into this huge fight saying her version, saying mine, and still I had no answer. I do want an answer, because it's fucking bugging me! Did I waste my time? Do I love a ghost? I mean it's hella hard to move on when you have no idea.

We're talking again. We still laugh and shit. I like it, she's one of the few girls I like talking online cuz we understan each other.
But I still want to ask her, what the hell? She keeps saying she has no answers, but come on! Something that can make me shut the fuck up and let me know he was real? Anything?
I don't want to mess things up, cuz again I really consider her my friend.

"Edwerd" left me without saying bye or an explanation.
The last I heard from him he left me saying how I forgot about him and that's it.
Where was all this love he swore he had for me? More shit that makes me think it never was him.
I just want this to stop. Sometimes I don't remember at all thanks to friends or diego <3
But there's times when I still see or hear songs that remind me of him.

Maybe I should date Diego and concentrate me in just HIM.
Maybe he can replace that spot in my heart, or I don't really know.
I don't care about fighting, making drama, or asking why to me? I just want answers.
Like, Yes he was a fake, or no he isn't he truly loved you. That's it. So I can buried all of this in the past.
I don't want to go back, and even if him is real I still won't go back to him, all of this killed me and I need to move on.



-alomaJEAN.

What's right and what's wrong?
What's ok in society, what's not?

I really hate that. I hate that now I'm thinking before acting.
It's a good thing in some things, but in other ones is frustrating, because I'm holding myself of doing what I want just to please everyone else.  Like clothing, Honestly I don't think I look any different or I claim attention, is just a pair of jeans, you know?
But I can feel that when I'm walking and drinking my smoothie while I talk to my friends that people are staring at me, and pointing!
How fucking rude is that? I don't go out there pointing people, "Oh look she's wearing grandma clothes, HAHA"
I respect everyone, and if it's up to you to dress like a grandma, ok, I deal with it, because I bet it makes you feel comfortable or happy.
Piercings? Seriously, it's a stupid subject, your just decorating your body, a lady not so long ago told me to get close to God. HA, SURE!
I don't want to offend anyone, but if this God exist then where is he? I have so many questions to ask him, but right now I'm living my life the way I want to, I'm not living for him, I'm living for me and I only live once, so I want to try all kind of clothings, all hair dyes, all type of beers, all type of toothpastes, everything!
I might be living too fast, but I don't know If I'll be here tomorrow. I don't want to live asking myself "what If...?"
Sometimes I lie when I say it doesn't bother me or hurt me when they say those kind of comments, but saying them in a daily basis?
Enough!
Live and let live man!  Even at this time, people are big ignorants.

And no matter where I go, people would still be the same, because they are afraid of the unknown.
I just wish people could be a little more open minded, that's why I like Sweden a lot, over there you can express yourself and wear the most
radical clothes and still have fun and enjoy your day. I wish I could go there one day, I know I will, and I might even get a house there!

2007 is promising.
Things will/must get better.

Hey!
My first entry in livejornal. WHOA.
I always wanted to make one of this but I was too lazy or I would be caught up doing something else.

It's 5:05 am.
I can't sleep. My schedule is all upside down.
I feel like a vampire, living at night and sleeping in the morning.
Not so bad but I need to stop being lazy and start doing something, routines drive me crazy.

Well Christmas is just around the corner.
I'm looking forward to spend time with my parents, I think I need to bond more with them.
I also want to take some days off and just take the bus and go see my friend Spooky, which I miss a lot.
Distance is a big pain in the ass, and more when it's someone you truly care about.
Almost New Year's Eve too. Time sure flies. I can't believe is almost 2007.
New plans, new hopes, new dreams, new people, new everything.
I don't really want to think about the past, just to look forward and move on.

Well, my first entry is not that great, but at least I posted something.
Let's see what tomorrow brings so I can write about it.

-alomaJEAN.



P.S My neighbors rooster doesn't shut the fuck up!